Obama State Dinner Party Crashers: Wish I'd Thought Of It

Did You Hear?

By all accounts, the Obama Administration's State Dinner honoring Indian Prime Minister Monmohan Singh and his wife was a HUGE success - except for a security breach so blatant, so preventable it boggles the mind.

Apparently, the two of the boldest people in recorded human history pimped up to the huge tent that had been setup on the White House lawn for the star-studded hoe-down, and finessed their way in. That's after making their way on the grounds undetected, and somehow convincing guards on the grounds that they belonged there even though their names did not appear on a list. That's right - they were not on the guest list, they did not have an invitation, and yet somehow they were able to sneak their way past multiple levels of security to gain entrance into this ultra exclusive event, and to within striking distance of President and Mrs. Obama. WTF?!?



I'm not clear - how is it possible that the Secret Service could allow two uninvited guests, ANY two uninvited guests to get that close to this President? You know the one I mean, the first African American to hold the office, the one President who has received more death threats in less than a year than any in history - him?




If it weren't so eggregious it would almost be comical. I have to laugh, because it reminds me so much of one of my favorite movies, "National Treasure II, Book of Secrets?" It stars Nicolas Cage as the leader of a bold and clever treasure hunting team who use historical references to all things related to the United States to look for treasures and other important but mostly fictional crap. In this sequel to the original "National Treasure" film, Nicolas Cage crashes a White House event in order to get close to the President so that he can ask him a question critical to gaining a new clue that will get him closer to the treasure he seeks. In his defense, he's also trying to clear his family name, but that's not important right now.


Okay - so this dude literally walks out of nowhere past a Secret Service agent and right onto the grounds of this exclusive birthday party being thrown in honor of the fictional President. And I LOVE this movie, right? But I promise you, this scene is the ONE scene in the movie that always makes me go, "Oh yeah, like he could ever get to the President THAT easily!"


But alas and alack, apparently I was wrong. Now I'm thinking that the writers of "National Treasure" knew what we all now know - that the Secret Service (who by the way has never ever been that friggin' secret) could use a serious refresher on "Protecting the President from Dangers Unseen, 101", or "Guestlists and How They're Applied in Protecting the President 104", or "Invitations and Their Use During Important State Events 201". I could do this all night.


I joke, but the truth is, this is no laughing matter. Luckily, this couple (whose names I refuse to use out of respect for my own disgust with them) did not seek to harm the President or the Vice President either, which is a good thing since they could be seen posing with Vice President Biden on a photo that was released later after their ruse was discovered. But I gotta tell you, I sincerely hope that somewhere tonight in Washington, there is a Secret Service agent or two, or maybe a Social Secretary or other White House event planning rookie up to their necks in trouble, wondering why they're about to lose the job of a lifetime because they didn't have the stones to tackle two criminally delusional party crashers at the White House front gates. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Hit me on the comment line - what do you YOU think of all this?

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Mobile Background Checks: Technology As Buzz Kill

CNN is reporting today that two companies have developed mobile apps to do instant background checks! Mobile apps!!!

Now work with me on this one. I am as much a proponent of knowing who you're getting as anyone - remember, I'm that chick that wrote 'Duped By Love' (still available at Amazon.com for the low-low). So I understand completely the need to check out a potential squeeze before you get in too deep, but seriously - does that need to happen at the table while you're chowing down on California rolls?

I don't think so. I think we've done enough with social networking, instant messaging, texting, etc., to destroy pure human interaction. I have daily digital interactions with friends and relatives whose voices I haven't heard in 23 years. I have to text my son to get him to respond to me when we're in the same house. And I regularly get 'I-love-you's' from close family members online that for whatever reason have never said the words in person.

We're all beginning to hide behind a haze of technology, that's my point, people. And my family is no exception. I want my sons to be able to have healthy interactions in social situations, and I want them to use technology as the convenience that it is, not as a replacement for real relationships with real people, but that's exactly what they're beginning to do. And the truth is, they were born into this Age, so they don't even know what they're missing.

It's disheartening to remember the days of my youth, where getting out of the house everyday just to run up and down the street kicking a ball and screaming at my friends was a daily past-time, knowing that my boys will never do the same. Nope. They're getting all of their social interaction while engaging in MMO-RPG with people from other countries that they don't even know. It's just - sad.

(Pause for Acronyn definition: MMO-RPG - 'mass, multi-player-online-role-playing-game'. I learned this one from my 16-year old.)

Am I just old? Is this just my generation's version of 'don't do it - it could lead to dancing?' Uh, I don't think so here either. As a technologist and Internet expert myself, I'm thrilled by the technological innovations that have so improved our quality of life, but I also can't help but think that we've got to figure out a way to pump the brakes on some of this stuff before we're all communicating through devices hard-wired into our heads and making babies in petrie dishes.

According to a survey conducted by the Japanese Education Ministry recently, the majority of Japanese teenagers are addicted to their mobile phones. And addiction to their mobile phones means less focus on studies, and increased vulnerability to pedophiles and other malcontents. The teenagers in this country are headed for the same fate, if they're not already there. And sadly, I know some adults who are faring no better.

So what to do? One little application for doing background checks is one thing, but how do we begin to rebel against the machine? Force those that we love (and those that we think we might want to love) out of the matrix and back into real, fulfilling, personal interactions?

Well - one trick I've found effective is making me boys at least experience some of the cool technology stuff with me - right next to me. We have a great time looking at EpicFail.com videos together and laughing our heads off. Or, sometimes we play some of the cool games on one of our phones together. And as for my family? I regularly lure them into some face to face time by opening my doors and cooking up whatever it takes to get them here. It helps that my husband's curry chicken is to die for.

And what of the instant background checks? I think, we just acknowledge those as the gimmicky thing that they are. Even full online-background checks are sketchy at best (yes, I've used them), so it's not much more than a clever marketing play from a couple of savvy technology companies, this idea of having creatied a mobile application that will allow us to stop a romantic dinner with a new prospect cold in its tracks over the results of a friggin' Google search, or some web-crawling, fact-seeking buzz kill of an application that tells us in real-time everything we probably don't want to know about someone right there on the spot anyway. Stuff that we might find out in the course of time, and that we might have a lot more patience for after we've gotten to know someone. I don't know - instant mobile applications for background checks? MAJOR first date buzz kill if you ask me.

(Cross posted on BlogHer.com)
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Veggie Wrap This

Okay.

So I'm at work today, right? And I'm in an all-day meeting with a colleague, right? And we take a break for lunch and head down to the office-park deli, okay? And she's a vegetarian (bless her health-nut out-living me by decades heart) so she orders a veggie wrap. Because I'm Pat, I order a Reuben. Beef slathered in thousand-island dressing topped with sauerkraut on bread buttered and grilled to near perfection. A heart-attack on rye bread.

And so I wait a few minutes and before I know it my Reuben is ready to go, right? So here's my question. Why did the veggie wrap take a FULL 20 minutes more to prepare? Twenty minutes I'm standing there with my colleague, waiting patiently (as did she) for a veggie wrap. Then it hit me.


Nutritional discrimination. I mean think about it - so the fat girl just wants a regular old Reuben - toss it on the grill, sling some sauce on it, dump a handful of fries next to it and slide it her way, she'll eat anything! But not the vegetarian, oh no! Her food must be carefully and gingerly prepared, leaving out no detail, each ingredient hand selected and assembled with precision to create the perfect dining experience! It's the ONLY thing that explains it! I mean, it was a damned veggie wrap! They could have grabbed a couple of fist fulls of crap off the salad bar, squirted dijon mustard on it and had her outta there in under 30 seconds by my estimation, right? RIGHT?!??!

I'm on to these people. The next time I visit their little establishment, I'll have a few things on my person. First, a stopwatch. I want to know the PRECISE time disparity that exists between the preparation of my sandwich and their precious veggie wrap. Second, a hidden camera, with which I'll be sure to capture any slight-of-hand that might occur during the preparation of my meal. And lastly, a digital audio recording device so that when I voice my objections to the establishment owners, I'll be able to capture their evil, hate-filled culinary rhetoric for all the world to hear. I will not be denied!

Stay tuned.


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Harsh Reality #1: Old and Fat Go Together like PB&J

So anyone who knows me knows that I have battled with my weight my entire life. Even now, I'm in the fight of my life to maintain the marginal loss of weight I recently managed. It's who I am. It's what I do.

But I have a warning for those of you who like me, are on a never-ending quest to reduce your butt size. I have learned many lessons as I have waged my endless war, and some of those lessons I will share with you, right here, on this blog. Because I'm totally a nice person.

Lesson 1 - the older you are, the harder it is to lose the weight.

So the good news? I've lost 30 pounds over the last several months.

The bad news? I've gained probably 12 of those pounds back in the last several weeks.

The good news? Oddly, my pants size has not gone back up....

The bad news? That's because I'm regaining all my weight in my stomach. True story.

Listen to me! Young women of Earth! If you are oh, say, younger than 30 and trying to get up off your ass to do something about your weight, find the strength to do it, because BELIEVE YOU ME, when the arthritis kicks in, your metabolism tells you to go screw yourself, and your belly decides to start hoarding all the fat that flows through your system for itself, the effort needed to make it happen will be MUCH greater.

Heed these warnings. I beseech thee. It's too late for me, but please! Hit the treadmill, now! Save yourselves!


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My Secret Hancock Obsession

It's on again. And like a moth to a flame, here I sit, slamming popcorn down my throat with both fists, watching Will Smith soar through the sky through the magic of CGI. It's me - watching "Hancock". Again. For like the 43rd time.

This time though, I'm genuinely curious - my husband has asked me repeatedly why I can't stop watching it. I scoff at him, tell him I can stop whenever I want to. My kids tip-toe around me, frightened and confused over the way I throw my head back and laugh hysterically as Will, I mean, uh, Hancock slings a whale into the middle of the ocean, knocking over a sailboat and likely killing all on board. And I myself cringe inwardly over my unholy delight at seeing Will, I mean uh, Hancock, a single buttock exposed, racing for an ice cream truck to soothe his singed, steaming, taut, muscle-bound body. Chicka-Chicka, Bown bown....


Yep. I can't stop watching it. I cannot stop watching a movie that I have openly acknowledged to be if not THE, certainly ONE OF the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire friggin' life. Ever. I mean, okay, so I have a list of of the "Top Ten Worst Movies of All Time" that I maintain in my mind at all times. "Hancock" is like number 4 on the list. And number 6.

So why can't I turn away when I encounter "Hancock" while flipping through the vast array of channels provided by my generous cable provider? Quite certainly I am a fan of Will Smith's, though not fanatic about him. And the eye candy aspect of his performance is certainly a factor, but not the only one. After all, I could just as easily rent "I Am Legend" if I just want to ogle over his beautifulness. But I find myself strangely immuned to the allure of "I Am Legend", yet defenseless against Hancock's magnetic draw. What gives?

I'm really seeking answers here. I can only hypothesize that the movie is truly SO BAD, that it's kind of like watching a really bad car accident. Except the person who's head is nearly severed, or who was thrown from the vehicle happens to be Will Smith. Or, maybe it's like having to listen to a really awful song (like "Wild, Wild, West") repeatedly on the radio so much that one day you find yourself on the iTunes store looking for the download. It's mind control. Some kind of reversed psychological phenomenon.

Whatever the case, I need help. My kids want to know why I won't stop, why I won't do it for them. My husband has given up on me, and banished me to the basement television until I can get control of my habit. And HBO, well they're completely complicit in all this - they will NOT stop showing the fliggin', flargin', filth, flarm, filth movie. Damnit, I'm only human!

(SPOILER ALERT): Oh wait! They're showing the part where he almost kisses Charlize Theron but she throws him through the front of the house instead, for no apparent reason...gotta go!


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