Okay.
So I'm at work today, right? And I'm in an all-day meeting with a colleague, right? And we take a break for lunch and head down to the office-park deli, okay? And she's a vegetarian (bless her health-nut out-living me by decades heart) so she orders a veggie wrap. Because I'm Pat, I order a Reuben. Beef slathered in thousand-island dressing topped with sauerkraut on bread buttered and grilled to near perfection. A heart-attack on rye bread.
And so I wait a few minutes and before I know it my Reuben is ready to go, right? So here's my question. Why did the veggie wrap take a FULL 20 minutes more to prepare? Twenty minutes I'm standing there with my colleague, waiting patiently (as did she) for a veggie wrap. Then it hit me.
Nutritional discrimination. I mean think about it - so the fat girl just wants a regular old Reuben - toss it on the grill, sling some sauce on it, dump a handful of fries next to it and slide it her way, she'll eat anything! But not the vegetarian, oh no! Her food must be carefully and gingerly prepared, leaving out no detail, each ingredient hand selected and assembled with precision to create the perfect dining experience! It's the ONLY thing that explains it! I mean, it was a damned veggie wrap! They could have grabbed a couple of fist fulls of crap off the salad bar, squirted dijon mustard on it and had her outta there in under 30 seconds by my estimation, right? RIGHT?!??!
I'm on to these people. The next time I visit their little establishment, I'll have a few things on my person. First, a stopwatch. I want to know the PRECISE time disparity that exists between the preparation of my sandwich and their precious veggie wrap. Second, a hidden camera, with which I'll be sure to capture any slight-of-hand that might occur during the preparation of my meal. And lastly, a digital audio recording device so that when I voice my objections to the establishment owners, I'll be able to capture their evil, hate-filled culinary rhetoric for all the world to hear. I will not be denied!
Stay tuned.
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